Cheerleader Feet

CrackHo was at her favorite mid-chemo haunt th'other day (Fuzziwig's @ The Ave. in the EC) munching on some mini-Reeces cups and having a stroll. Almost dropped my melty mint nonpareils when I heard 2 teenaged boys tell a lovely teenaged girl:


"yeah you know she's got, like, cheerleader feet."


whaddya mean, she sez.


"like, they're so, like, pretty and all neat and stuff."


So THAT's the secret!!!! Sinnergirls, that's one thing we can ALL get down with: Cheerleader Feet. No cartwheels required. So, check out Diddy above enjoying the magic of Cheerleader Feet. Then, enjoy the Cheerleader Feet of Ryleigh's Aunt TooTall, Auntie CrackHo, BabyMamma and Ryleigh Coyote herself:

In Praise of the Small Things

CrackHo here. I have caused you all so much distress with my distress this week, bless your hearts, that I am happy happy happy to give you a more upbeat update! And I ain't lyin'.

I actually got in the 'Ho Mobile and drove on the 'spressway not once but twice today! And, not necessarily in this order: pumped my own gas, walked my Rent-a-Golden, saw Doc Hen (had to tackle him in the hall like some kinda groupie since my appointment was with his assistant), had my head petted in Doc Hen's waiting room (for some reason people just do that in public; must look like a pregnant belly), unloaded the dishwasher, remembered to make a phone call I said I would, remembered to mail the bills (and not just write the checks and leave them in the checkbook), woke up before the alarm this AM but not too much before, ate a Chik-Fil-A (thankee Truitt!), realized that Goldens hide things like their own leashes so I haven't necessarily lost what was left of my mind, found out I have lots of red cells, plenty o'plasma, and enough white cells so I ain't under house arrest this fine Labor Day weekend! Whew! And if that weren't enough, how 'bout this:

One of the most delectable things in God's creation is Coke on ice. I don't mean open a can in your own home and pour it over those silly little half-crescent "cubes" (when will some idiot decide it's a terrorist plot to have symbols of "radical Islam"-or South Carolina-spewing from our freezers??). I mean, honest to goodness Fountain Coke over Commercial-Grade Ice (and lots and lots of it) sucked down on a hot summer day through a straw. Just enough carbonation to make you shout Halleluia without burping. Just enough caffeine to make you think you CAN make it around the Top End of 285 One Mo' Time. Just enough sweet to make you remember MilkDuds and a certain boy at the movies. I had a Jones for just such a Coke my second trip up through Town and whipped the 'Ho Mobile off the road and through a drive-through ordering up a Large Diet Coke (with Caffeine, otherwise why bother). My dear peeps, it was a near-religious experience, possibly enhanced by sipping that Coke in the shadow of the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Acceleration there along I-75 North. Ain't nuthin' better after 4 days of swapping between Sofa A and Sofa B than having a little unplanned outing involving the House Wine of Atlanta.

So CrackHo gives a big Shout-out and Thankee to all Y'all in the Sinnergirls world for the Extree Love & Support this week. Have a Coke & a Smile and whatever else you can get your sweaty little mitts on this weekend. Much love and thankees! (And you see, I'm still sitting up (yeah, still on Sofa A) so things are improving).

Git Wiggy Wit' It

If CrackHo ever decided to have multiple personalities ---- and on some days it seems like a good idea ---- she would go see Miss Jennifer the Wig Queen. Watch the transformation from Elivra Mistress of the Dark to Cancer Patient to "Linda" (again)...

And don'cha just love all the euphemisms! My hair is not falling out by the roots in large disgusting handsfull...it is Releasing (undergoing Release) (sounds like a treatment you'd pay a fortune for at a day spa).

So is cancer not cancer but "Overachieving Cells"? You don't have various gastric dramas after chemo; you "Decline Food-Based Input." You don't go beserk on steroids; you "Get in Touch with Your Inner Felon." You don't lose your ability to string two thoughts together; you "Engage in Unstructured Communication." I could go on. And I might. If I could remember where I was going with all this...

BTW a Big Shout Out and Air Hug to Nurse Extraordinaire Ashley for stopping in for a quick DX yesterday and chat with the Sinnergirls in the wig-wam. We know you're out there!! Someday you too can have your very own username!!

From the Piedmont Hospital Interventional Radiology Video Training Library: How to Use Your New Port

CrackHo here to give a big shout-out to Stella, Skanks, and DFFF for the props on the infusion post. By popular demand and just because you axed for it, here is the training film Black Canary and I made for Piedmont Interventional Radiology on "How to Use Your New Port."

You'll get to see all 3 takes we had to do to get the filming all synchronized and in a form usable for new patient instruction. After all, when one is sucking chard straight into the arteries, one rockets to a whole new level of "Cheap Date."

Im-Ported

CrackHo and Black Canary here. CrackHo sez I heard I was once again entertaining U.I.V. (under the influence of Versed) even tho I left my inflatable tongue at home today. Malibu Barbie swooshed into the radiation support unit, pulled out her camera, took a picture, and I (reportedly) responded with a physical reminder of one of my middle names (Bird). Peeps, CrackHo had on NO makeup and NO accessories and Malibu was taking potentially shocking photos of the 'Ho in such a bare state! I'm sure she'll be posting later....

Tonight Black Canary and CrackHo enjoyed Italian cocktails at the Builtmore. BCB will share more below, but I must first bemoan the fact that my first-born and much-adored nephew today called me CrackHo!!! Child, I don't care how old you are, I am still AUNT CrackHo to you!!

BCB here with an evening post after port installation. For those of you who have never seen a port, well, it's not much to see....but CH got what they called a Purple Power Port with accessories (id bracelet to let folks know she has such a magnificant port mechanism). I tried not to be envious of a new bracelet; it's rubber so it was fairly easy to let go of the envy! Crackie slept for three hours post port import then was "set free" to sleep several more hours on sofa at crack's shack. Black Canary Barbie lounged, put mirror under nostrils of C Ho to check breathing status and did what we will be doing a bunch of...waiting. Other than the side effects of good narcotics, 'Ho is bruised all around port installation, is a bit sore, but amazingly together and ready for her next big step in healing and recovery: a good glass of chardonay (just kidding)..the first and count down to last of all chemo (R-chop for those of you who didn't know what her chemo cocktail of choice will be for the big, bad B Lymphoma). First infusion session begins at 8 am Thursday morning and finishing up Friday morning at 9am. I'll try to post from the infusion suite. Thanks for all your prayers, calls, emails and love: keep em coming! BCB

The Cure for the Cure

Infusioning promises a lot of things, trade-offs required to get the prize: the cure. Looking down the short road of 18 weeks, possibly weak and hairless as a baby rat, a hottie on the inside disguised as a cancer patient, CrackHo decided that she may need a Cure for the Cure.

So, meet the Orange Crush: CrackHo's new Love Boat, and the thing to cure me from infusion fallout on the way to the big Cure. Big and fat, hard to flip and easy to move, the Crush has a cockpit so open that it barely qualifies as a closed yak. Easy for an infused CrackHo to just flop into and float and forget what nasty side effects infusion may bring.

My dear therapist and spiritual companion Dr. Robin reminds me that water is about clearing the throat chakra. And, it just feels so good to be out where the light and the water and the air meet in gentle collision. Good place for a Bird.

Introducing on this video my friend Jerry, my most esteemed Niger Rodentia and river floating companion. Jerry is my idol for his grace and brightness in his own journey, and for how he can make an afternoon on a river a cure for ailments you never knew you had. He is also a kick-butt cook.

They don't serve Sweet Tea in Itlee...

As I skip backward (there's a thought for a video clip) over the past couple of months I thought it only appropriate to share this photo I took of Joni in Florence.  Getting lost has never been so fun.  Oh, and  the infamous champagne, leather coat room is right around the corner.  C. Ho...hope you don't lose too much wait in the infusion room.  If you do it might call for another trip to Florence to get your "coat altered" if you know what I mean!! Sinnergirls ..as we have learned there is a surprise around every corner.  It may not include sweet tea or champagne but we can forever hold hands and skip!