1. Laugh at my jokes (and post on my blog).
2. Remind me if I’ve already told you a story or joke that I’m launching into. Don’t worry: I don’t have Alzheimer’s on top of everything else. It’s just ChemoBrain and they promise, sort of, that it will go away and I won’t be tedious forever.
3. Insist that I buy myself jewelry.
4. Let me know if I have broccoli between my teeth. Yes, cancer patients still have open to us all the normal ways to be embarrassed in public.
5. Set me up with your bald single friends. At least we’ll have something to talk about, and if we hit it off we can indulge in the pleasures of mutual phrenology.
6. Forgive me and tell me to take a Xanax. There may be times when I’m as whine-y as a toddler past her naptime, as needy as an arts nonprofit, and as charming as Ann Coulter, all at the same time. I still love you and need your attention and sometimes, a reminder that Meds Are Good.
7. Please ask me before you send the details of my projectile vomiting to your prayer chain.
8. Remind me that I have a therapist and that there is sometimes TMI even between friends who love each other. As necessary, gently nudge me to the person who is paid to listen to my overwhelming bullshit.
9. Let me talk about death and pain and suffering. Oh, wait, the divorce is final. Never mind.
10. Find ways to give me credible compliments, even if it’s as creative as “OMG you so met your deductible for the whole year!!!”, or, “Do you know how hot you look with your bare ass hanging out of that skanky hospital gown?”
And just because I don't have any fun new videos yet (I know, what a slacker), I'm gonna post the whole Chemo Candy-eating video. To me it looks like an alien eating some strange eggs...but you decide! (Malibu, where are u? We need some fresh wit & humor!!)
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15 comments:
Though I do not know a ton about chemo from an internal perspective, I DO know that no amount of chemo could drive you to rival the charm that is Ann Coulter......Ewwwwww
Malibu is an Ann Coulter fan; and that, by the way, is not an attempt at wit & humor! If we're going to go there, I can start dishing on the likes of Carville, Brazille, Moore, Franken and others.
Malibu's back! Yay! Well, I may be as bald as James Carville but NOBODY could be that ugly! And Malibu I fergot that you California Blondes stick together...!
damn right. hmmmmm...do I sense a Carville Barbie developing?
Hey now....I didn't mean to incite a blue/red color war. Crack, you are also no rival for the ugly that is James Carville, and you are waaaay funnier that Al Franken!
Joni I am glad your back and I hope you are feeling better today I can say that you don't have broccoli between your teeth but by the video I can't say to much about candy necklace and possibly the candy necklace could be stuck between the boob area I could use that Xanax myself you know the menopause thing Hope everything goes well for you today Thinking of you and Praying for you everyday
Susan
You are one tough Crackho! I am really enjoying all of the posts and pictures!!! How is Sam doing?
I really do think we should buy candy necklaces for all the guests in the infusion suite the next time...and flip them all to get response! That's not cruel is it?
Am I a dork or is this just male pattern ineptitude?
I had an important meeting at 7am Wednesday, and
usually wear a longsleeve blue Oxford shirt and "Rep" tie.
Everybody always gives me Simon's gift cards for prezzies, but
I hate to shop and hate malls even worse. They say I am hard to shop for because I'm a picky dresser.
I broke down Monday and went to Dillard's and Belk's, where I bought several shirts,
pants, shorts, etc.
Then Wednesday morning, I put on regular tailored pants, but decided to wear one of the new shirts and
tie.
I felt uncomfortable all morning... than I realized that they were in
someone else's purchase bag and didn't fit right.
I felt like a dork, because I really didn't pay attention while getting dressed.
Fortunately, I always take a spare shirt and tie, so I changed at lunchtime, which of course, everybody noticed and gave me major grief .
And to top it all off, now I have to go back to the mall and get the stuff I bought for me. I wonder who was surprised to put on my chosen clothes?
so how bad WAS it? like wearing a short guy's long sleeves that hit you at mid-arm, or like flapping around like a kid in his dad's dress shirt?? (and hint: put your contacts in BEFORE you check yourself out in the mirror in the AM)
BabyMama here again... Auntie Crack Ho I love your list! It's very straight forward and very informative! I LOVE IT! I wish I could compile one of these called "Top Ten Things You Can Do for a Pregnant Person!" - haha! You know I would have to keep #2 on there though, because as we found out this weekend, PregnantBrain & ChemoBrain are pretty similar!
BabyMama here again... Auntie Crack Ho I love your list! It's very straight forward and very informative! I LOVE IT! I wish I could compile one of these called "Top Ten Things You Can Do for a Pregnant Person!" - haha! You know I would have to keep #2 on there though, because as we found out this weekend, PregnantBrain & ChemoBrain are pretty similar!
Hey BabyMama!Yo' lovely self don't even know how true dat! And you can say that again! (Auntie CrackHo will hep you put together your preggie list in the interest of World Peace, k?)
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