Our Bundle Big Bundle of Joy!

Wanted all you guys out there in Sinnergirl world to see how much our newest Sinnergirl has grown. Baby Mama and Daddy are awesome parents...Ryleigh is one lucky girl.

A Christmas Miracle.

Also called, Miracle at Atlantic Station.

Jamie has a credit - yes, a credit - at H&M.

Foto Fun!

Here are the promised photos taken in the Foto Fun booth/sleigh at Dawsonville, GA!

Go forth and shop.

The sinnergirls and mom of sinnergirls, minus shopper-extraordinaire sinnergirl BCB (who had more important things to do), ventured to the North Georgia Outlet Mall in Dawsonville on Saturday. First of all, there were fabulous savings - stores that had everything at least 50% off "the entire store"! Selection was good, the company was even better. During a quick coffee break, the girls spotted one of those Foto Fun booths and decided to capture the moment for all to see. The actual photos from the "sitting" will be posted later, but here's the Flip video of us trying to figure out how to center three of us in a little oval on the screen. Obviously, Malibu forgot the Flip was on and didn't aim it at the screen for much of the sitting...but the audio is worth it anyway. Oh, and at the very end we figured out that we weren't supposed to look at the screen, but at the "Look here!" button. Who knew?

Turkey anyone?

Everyone wants some turkey at Thanksgiving:



















OH! You mean turkey!

We're here and we're thankful.

Greetings all,

Things are going well for the 'Ho family. 'Ho is about to get a second opinion on her progress, and we'll see after that where we go. She still looks alright-mighty-fine and has actually been busy tending to her sickly kitty, Sam, but I'm sure we'll hear something from her soon.

Needless to say, we all have much to be thankful for. Indulge me for a moment while I run through my "side" of the family:

• A healing 'Ho, who has handled this whole thing with grace, a sense of humor and the most accurately spelled text messages ever.
  
• A BCB who has the biggest heart around, a creative design talent that make her clients (and me) go "ah!", and loves her family to no end.
• 'Mo new relatives: welcome Lauren!
• 'Mo tiny relatives: welcome Ryleigh!
• A wonderful new Mommy: way to go Tiffany!
  
• My hubby, who encourages me tirelessly, provides me with incredible art to behold every day, and keeps me laughing. (oh, and provides fabulous design work for me at below-industry rates so that I look good at work.)
  
• My Mom who loves me and I never have to doubt it, and will always let me lay my head in her lap when I'm down or tired. I'll always be her "baby" and I'm glad.
• My stepdad, who thankfully likes to talk golf and politics (like I do), but most importantly, has made my Mom happy.
• My darlin' brother-in-law who thought he was giving me away at my wedding, but found out he was still stuck with me after all. He lets me type pages-long emails and if he rolls his eyes over them, does it when I can't see.
• My oldest nephew who fit right into the role of really good Daddy and is a true joy himself.
• My youngest nephew who has never lost that look of wonder and curiosity that I saw on his face when he was about 3 months old, and will always be my baby (whether he likes it or not).
• There are countless others in extended family, and in-laws for whom I am very very grateful. But they'll have to go on another blog...

Have a happy, blessed Thanksgiving, and may all your stocks go up in 2009!
Malibu

'Mo definitely a "treat"!

Here's everyone's fave treat on her first Halloween.

'Ho's Reunion and Call-Out on Ben!

Since infusion is a little 'Ho-Hum these days, thought y'all would rather see a clip from 'Ho's high school reunion last weekend (the exact anniversary will be a secret since the math would indicate that I graduated from said high school while still in utero).

'Ho made a public Call-Out to her classmate Ben who is way too famous and smart to have his real name used in a shameless forum like this. Call-Out was: Ben, if you come to the reunion I, 'Ho, will shave my head. Ben was so geared up he counter-called-out: he would shave his legs if I shaved my head. So here's the proof: even though his bride ratted him out saying he used Nair and a garden hose in the backyard to avoid nicking those tricky knees.

Our partners in crime are Carol and Sam and Cathy. We can't use their last names or they would have to change religions, spouses, and professions (hard to do when you're a famous writer in Texas!!!)

BTW, 'Ho knows the Call-Out was a little Clinton-esque ("truthy" not "truthful") since she had already shaved her head well in advance of the Call-Out. BUT, all that truthiness was overlooked in the festive atmosphere of a hairless reunion!

The Amazing Race. Read the story before you watch the vid!!

Feeling the call of sibling bonding and adventure, Crack 'Ho and Malibu set out in Spring '08 to apply for The Amazing Race. For those not in the know (which included Crack 'Ho as of this taping), TAR is a reality show on CBS that pits teams of couples who know each other against 10 or 11 other couples in a race around the world. The race is fraught with dilemmas, obstacles and other things that can either strengthen or ruin a relationship. Who better to try out than us? Hm. The first step in the application process involves filling out an application (duh). But this is no ordinary application. It asks questions that even your spouse would hesitate to ask! Nonetheless, 'Ho and I completed the application and moved on to step two: create a 3 minute video explaining why we should be on TAR. 'Ho came over to the Barnes' House on a stormy night where we spent 3 hours taping to come up with a 3 minute video. The taping was interrupted by a tornado, from which we hid in the parking lot of Ikea nearby. Too bad that wasn't on the video! Anyway, our 15 minute outtake video is freaking hilarious, but rife with expletives that would make Mom of 'Ho shudder, and may eliminate any future job prospects for those on tape. So, without further ado, here's the 3-minute toned down version we sent TAR. Needless to say, since the show is on TONIGHT and 'Ho and I are in Atlanta, we didn't make it. They got, instead, a couple of blond "Southern" belles instead. Ratings have plummeted.

Of course, Ms. 'Ho got herself in to an Amazing Race of a different sort. And this one, she's gonna walk away from as a total winner...

Hell, We're ALL Mad! (But 'Ho Loves ya!)

CrackHo here to give y'all a little shout out and some encouragement in these Dark Days, and I don't mean cancer-dark. I keep telling folks I'm in recession...aren't we all!

My attorney laughed out loud today for the first time in 2 years (yeah, 'Ho believes in long-term relationships, even with her lawyers) when I described my Post-Divorce Asset Transfer technique, here seen for the first time on video.

Thanks for sticking it out (uh well you know what I mean) and coming back for more!

It's a "wait and see" game.

'Ho's chemo went well yesterday - a good visit with Doc Hen/Cod Neh and the troops in the infusion suite. Black Canary was on her way to Florida to help with wedding planning for her baby boy; Mom of 'Ho and Malibu joined 'Ho for the adventure. Received good report from the doctor, though all future decisions - total number of chemos, radiation or not, etc. etc. are always tagged with "we'll wait and see". Two more spinal taps - ugh. Radiation w/b determined after chemo #5, as will the total number of chemos. Doc Hen admired 'Ho's latest head-tattoo as well as the way she looked in that bike outfit at the MS ride. 'Course, he totally blew the goodwill when he referred to 'Ho as a "postmenopausal woman". Maybe we should take him the "How to Win Friends and Influence People" book on our next visit...

And behind Chemo # 4 is...

Tomorrow we're off with the 'Ho for Infusion #4. This is a big one, in that it puts 'Ho over the hump...assuming Doc Hen (or Cod Neh - inside joke) hasn't changed his mind about the # of infusions. Thoughts, prayers and other send-ups definitely appreciated. Tally 'ho!

Hairific!

I thought for sure one of Crack 'Ho's previous "do"s would win by a hair. (Sorry, couldn't help myself.) But look! Style D and E ended "all square". What are the implications? What does this all mean? What does it really say? Who are you people who voted for these styles? 'Course, since it's a tie, 'Ho is free to stay bald and beautiful. Lucky 'Ho...beats having to go out and find a white hairband or a new set of hot rollers!

Cheerleader Feet

CrackHo was at her favorite mid-chemo haunt th'other day (Fuzziwig's @ The Ave. in the EC) munching on some mini-Reeces cups and having a stroll. Almost dropped my melty mint nonpareils when I heard 2 teenaged boys tell a lovely teenaged girl:


"yeah you know she's got, like, cheerleader feet."


whaddya mean, she sez.


"like, they're so, like, pretty and all neat and stuff."


So THAT's the secret!!!! Sinnergirls, that's one thing we can ALL get down with: Cheerleader Feet. No cartwheels required. So, check out Diddy above enjoying the magic of Cheerleader Feet. Then, enjoy the Cheerleader Feet of Ryleigh's Aunt TooTall, Auntie CrackHo, BabyMamma and Ryleigh Coyote herself:

Coos and Poos

Thanks to all those Barbies who have given us a yee haw and prayers. Baby Ryleigh is perfect and beautiful. Mom and Dad are both doing great too. BCB back at work, but manages to get home to get some lovin', kisses, coos and change poo whenever possible. The kingdom of BCB is forever changed and better!

Kicking Butt for Someone Else: Fight Multiple Sclerosis for Valerie!!

Ancient history has it that one of CrackHo's first signals that somethin' jest wasn't right with herself came as she started training to ride 150 miles this year in the Multiple Sclerosis bike challenge at Callaway. When the 'Ho couldn't pedal up a hill, she dragged herself into the doc and found exactly her problem. Well, over the period of couple of months or so...anyway...

So even though chemo has temporarily taken the 'Ho off the bike road, she and Mom and Orv threw Valerie into her own van and with tons of logistical genius from Bill, trekked down to Callaway to cheer on the MS bike rider/fundraisers this weekend. Yay, Team Cox ('Ho's bike team)!

We shot this longish video as people were gathering for day 1 of the ride Saturday. We wanted to share how moving it can be to be among thousands of people in tight lycra shorts before dawn, knowing they are about to sweat to help you feel better: Valerie girl, it's for you!

And on Oct. 5 Valerie's bro-in-law is gonna continue the ride to stamp out MS by BIKING THROUGH MIDTOWN MANHATTAN (!!! OMG) with a few thousand of his closest biker friends. If you want to help out, you can donate to Bruce's ride for Valerie at

http://msnyc.kintera.org/bikems/brucearnold?faf=1&e=1869160792

Inducing Labor the Auntie CrackHo Way

Our Babymamma's birthday was just a few short days (or really long days, if you're Babymama) before Baby Sinnergirl Ryleigh was supposed to be borned up yonder in north GA. Babymamma was understandably about as ready as anybody gets for anything for that birth to happen. So, as an extree special birthday gift to Babymamma, Black Canary threw Auntie CrackHo in the truck and drove up to north GA to induce labor and get that Ryleigh into this world FAST! Here is a recording of Auntie CrackHo's secret labor induction techniques.

Oh, and in case the induction part was a flop, Black Canary treated the whole crowd, including Babydaddy, to a swell lunch!

If you could have a real, true hair do-over, what would it look like?

Well, that's where little miss Crack 'Ho finds herself. Granted, we really think she looks "Crack 'Hot" with no hair at all. But let's all play a little game of "If I could choose one of my previous hairstyles to have again, which one would it be?". No wait, let's play a better game. Let's play "If I could make Joni wear an old hairstyle again, which one would it be?" See photos above, and cast your vote in the survey in the right hand column.

Can you say sweet?

Quick note: [updated]

Granny BCB reports this morning that when Grandpaw Dale was able to pry little Ryleigh away from Granny, he captured Ryleigh's attention and her beautiful eyes with his sweet whistles and coos.

Also, key stats are as follows: Ryleigh Brielle, 20" long, 8 pounds 4 ounces of pure cute. 

Another glam photo!

Here little Miss Ryleigh is pictured with Granny/BCB sinnergirl and Harris, son of sinnergirl, Daddy of Ryleigh.

Here's our girl! She's a beauty.

New Sinnergirl Arrived!

Malibu and CrackHo haven't had so much as a glimpse yet of young Ryleigh Coyote due to technical difficulties (with phone cameras and bad cell connections, not the baby). But we hear she popped into this world this evening by C-section, we think around 6-ish, dark hair like her babydaddy's and a dimple in her chin that is all her own. Black Canary has just gone on an 18-year sabbatical since she is now GrannyBCBarbie.

Shout-outs to Tiffany the Babymamma and our own nephew Harris the Babydaddy. Harris, we hear that after you did a crazy hall-dance @ the hospital with the incubator thingy tonight, things are back to normal now! (hahahaha)

Look for BabySinnergirl photos tomorry.

Bark, Bitch! Plus, Grappa Gets Censored, and Finally....Booties for Ryleigh

A quick rendezvous tonight in Sandy Springs with Grappa and Nonna on their way up to North Georgia for the BabyWatch (a/k/a The Ripening). Grappa and Nonna brought CrackHo a wonderful gift of Chips as part of our quest for the Right Italian Cocktail Chip. (And a little chemobrain demo included).

CrackHo in turn delivered baby booties imported from St. Simons Island for Ryleigh's going home event. (Assuming she does her coming out eventually). And no, they did not cost $100 (or even $300). There was more chatter about $100/$300 bootie(s) which HAD to be censored...

CrackHo's first time out of the CrackShack in 2 days, and Grappa's first time on Sinnergirls. Sorry we had to cut out most of Grappa's wit! But Grappa is quite a guy and has fended off the Sinnergirls for years as we try to rip the words out of his mouth (or censor him or whatever). But hey, this is a family blog. Sort of.

Freebster Boings, Malibu Barbie, and Mother & Diddy O'Sinnergirls are waiting breathlessly tonight by their landlines, Blackberries, I-phones, and dial-up modems to hear of Ryleigh's progress.

Don't Lick Me!!!

It starts with a soaking wet blonde fellow ducking under your garage door in the middle of Hurricane Fay's downpour. OK OK you can sleep here Just Tonight. Then there are those brown eyes. He is so grateful, so loving, so needy. Then that good morning lonnnnggg stretch and Big Grin that say "I am soooo glad to see you!"....

Then...before you know it...a flash of wet lips and a searching pink tongue....ARGHHH! DONT LICK ME!!! Gross!! Dog germs!!! (Who the hell did you THINK was sleeping in my garage???)

The end of the world is near: CrackHo has been dog sitting this week. Well, actually Dog Garaging. And a little walking. Then a little more walking. Then a car ride or two. Then a play date. Then a sidewalk cafe in Roswell. Then Target. Then Starbucks. Then another Starbucks.

Please don't tell Sam! He'd never lick my head again.

In Praise of the Small Things

CrackHo here. I have caused you all so much distress with my distress this week, bless your hearts, that I am happy happy happy to give you a more upbeat update! And I ain't lyin'.

I actually got in the 'Ho Mobile and drove on the 'spressway not once but twice today! And, not necessarily in this order: pumped my own gas, walked my Rent-a-Golden, saw Doc Hen (had to tackle him in the hall like some kinda groupie since my appointment was with his assistant), had my head petted in Doc Hen's waiting room (for some reason people just do that in public; must look like a pregnant belly), unloaded the dishwasher, remembered to make a phone call I said I would, remembered to mail the bills (and not just write the checks and leave them in the checkbook), woke up before the alarm this AM but not too much before, ate a Chik-Fil-A (thankee Truitt!), realized that Goldens hide things like their own leashes so I haven't necessarily lost what was left of my mind, found out I have lots of red cells, plenty o'plasma, and enough white cells so I ain't under house arrest this fine Labor Day weekend! Whew! And if that weren't enough, how 'bout this:

One of the most delectable things in God's creation is Coke on ice. I don't mean open a can in your own home and pour it over those silly little half-crescent "cubes" (when will some idiot decide it's a terrorist plot to have symbols of "radical Islam"-or South Carolina-spewing from our freezers??). I mean, honest to goodness Fountain Coke over Commercial-Grade Ice (and lots and lots of it) sucked down on a hot summer day through a straw. Just enough carbonation to make you shout Halleluia without burping. Just enough caffeine to make you think you CAN make it around the Top End of 285 One Mo' Time. Just enough sweet to make you remember MilkDuds and a certain boy at the movies. I had a Jones for just such a Coke my second trip up through Town and whipped the 'Ho Mobile off the road and through a drive-through ordering up a Large Diet Coke (with Caffeine, otherwise why bother). My dear peeps, it was a near-religious experience, possibly enhanced by sipping that Coke in the shadow of the Church of Our Lady of Perpetual Acceleration there along I-75 North. Ain't nuthin' better after 4 days of swapping between Sofa A and Sofa B than having a little unplanned outing involving the House Wine of Atlanta.

So CrackHo gives a big Shout-out and Thankee to all Y'all in the Sinnergirls world for the Extree Love & Support this week. Have a Coke & a Smile and whatever else you can get your sweaty little mitts on this weekend. Much love and thankees! (And you see, I'm still sitting up (yeah, still on Sofa A) so things are improving).

You Rock..

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.” Mary Anne Radmache

C Ho...it's the end of the day here in freaky Barbie design world and I had to share this quote with you and all the other C Ho lovers. Your courage gives me courage. You rock my world!
Ya'll be good and give someone you love a little extreee hug tonight!

Top Ten Things You Can Do for a Cancer Patient

1. Laugh at my jokes (and post on my blog).
2. Remind me if I’ve already told you a story or joke that I’m launching into. Don’t worry: I don’t have Alzheimer’s on top of everything else. It’s just ChemoBrain and they promise, sort of, that it will go away and I won’t be tedious forever.
3. Insist that I buy myself jewelry.
4. Let me know if I have broccoli between my teeth. Yes, cancer patients still have open to us all the normal ways to be embarrassed in public.
5. Set me up with your bald single friends. At least we’ll have something to talk about, and if we hit it off we can indulge in the pleasures of mutual phrenology.
6. Forgive me and tell me to take a Xanax. There may be times when I’m as whine-y as a toddler past her naptime, as needy as an arts nonprofit, and as charming as Ann Coulter, all at the same time. I still love you and need your attention and sometimes, a reminder that Meds Are Good.
7. Please ask me before you send the details of my projectile vomiting to your prayer chain.
8. Remind me that I have a therapist and that there is sometimes TMI even between friends who love each other. As necessary, gently nudge me to the person who is paid to listen to my overwhelming bullshit.
9. Let me talk about death and pain and suffering. Oh, wait, the divorce is final. Never mind.
10. Find ways to give me credible compliments, even if it’s as creative as “OMG you so met your deductible for the whole year!!!”, or, “Do you know how hot you look with your bare ass hanging out of that skanky hospital gown?”

And just because I don't have any fun new videos yet (I know, what a slacker), I'm gonna post the whole Chemo Candy-eating video. To me it looks like an alien eating some strange eggs...but you decide! (Malibu, where are u? We need some fresh wit & humor!!)

Where do we grow from?

After talking to C Ho tonight I've realized that being mad as hell is ok. Cancer sucks!! You can all watch C Ho's video of "truthiness" about how she feels about the cancer now that chemo is showing its monster(cancer) killing self. What I find hard is that chemo stops you in your tracks in a physical manner....feeling and knowing you will beat the cancer is one thing. Living through the effect of battling cancer is quite another! Joni's good news via phone conversation tonight is that everything hurts but her ovaries (I think there is a small praise God somewhere in that)! I. BCB,hold on to that because to think of this suffering puts me under the covers. My sister deserves good and happiness. God, though, is big and better. I hold on to that truth that He is in control; He has His princess under the royal orders of heaven and I can't do any better than that!
Plans are in the making for eyelash lessons from the drag queen on Saturday...a fun event that we must flip to share with all of you. Now, if you are planning a wedding...the wedding eyelash program should come from another source probably...FYI, these are "chemo eye lash lessons" We somehow figure out a way to grow from all of this... Love all out to those of you on blog, Black Canary Barbie aka granniebarbie

MAD 'Ho! (as in Angry...) Warning: Foul Language

CrackHo here; didja miss me?? Just couldn't get that Malibu Barbie Weather Report film finished today. Looks like we'll have plenty more chances to hear from our intrepid Malibu with more storms churning up from Havana (yuck, don't say churn). But till I trim the sails and right the Good Ship Sense of Humor, here's a little post-Fay Whine-Out to all my peeps (y'all):

What up?

Hello FOS (Friends of Sinnergirls),

All the sinnergirls are doing fine; baby sinnergirl (AKA Malibu Barbie) just returned from a quick trip with Freebster Boings to Tropical Storm Fay-Ravaged Savannah. OK, maybe ravaged is too dramatic; it rained and rained a lot. Middle sinnergirl (AKA Black Canary Barbie) has been working her Barbie-behind off, while also spending time getting ready for the arrival of Ryleigh (AKA Keep-U-Up-All-Night Barbie or BGB [baby girl barbie]). Mom of C'Ho has been totin' the 'ho to chemo, and playing the demanding role of Mom of 3 Sinnergirls. Most importantly, Star Sinnergirl (AKA Crack-Ho) has kept a heady schedule consisting of chemo, doc appointments, lunches, brunches and more. Right about now, she SHOULD be napping. She is one tired 'ho.

Remember that even though we're all chirpy sinnergirls, it's a long, tough road and Crack'Ho (and her backup band) need your continued prayers and blog visits.

Toodles,
MB

What DID I do with those blender blades, anyway?

Those who know what this means, can laugh. Those who don't, can wonder.

Black Canary brings Conehead Mass Quantities of Chemo Candy!

A wonderful event chez Infusion today was the arrival of Black Canary Barbie with a giant gift bag with mass quantities of candy for the infusion picnic. Even more wonderful: some of it was wearable! That BCB thinks of everything, including edible accessories!

Here BCB captured the adventure of CrackHo Conehead discovering her inner Pocohontas look with a sweet-tart necklace. She then gave in to temptation. Funny nobody in the Suite wanted to try any candy after that...


Obligatory factual updates:
1. Doc Hen (OMG!!***sighs***) sez that oh yeah baby let's do some radiation treatment after all. Has everything to do with avoiding brain cancer. An avoidance which is top on the 'Ho's list. So CrackHo will spend part of the Yuletide under a very expensive tanning lamp (like to tan your innerds). Will def cut down on the snackage she consumes during the holidays. At least I'll be able to fit into my 'ho 'ho 'ho attire. Doc Hen sez no stomach tube so we won't have to worry about mashing up Freebster Boings most excellent chocolate and red pepper cookies into liquid...
2. CrackHo has discovered that Beldar Conehead is the dad, so therefore she cannot be Beldar. Connie Conehead just isn't bling enough for this here site, and Pyraamar the mom's name has been optioned by Mother o'CrackHo.
3. You can call it infusion but it feels like chemo. You can put lipstick on a pig and call it Monique but it is still a pig. You can call her CrackHo and she's still...CrackHo! (Hey Monique can I borry yo' lipstick??)

"Just tell them you come from France"

Tired of making Chia-'Hos every time I brushed my hair, tired of my hair blowing through the wind (instead of the wind blowing through my hair), CrackHo, on the advice of Chris at EnVy Salon in Roswell (go there, he will make you beautiful and happy), decided it was time to go retro as Beldar Conehead. Control what you can, baby!!

My wonderful hairdresser Chris, advisor, part-time therapist and soon-to-be famous star in the movie about the Cheating Bastard (playing himself the Fabulous Hairdresser, not the C.B.), stars in the pix below. He "got rid of a symptom" of cancer: that is, I don't make no more Chia-'Hos everytime I brush my hair. We celebrated with a touch of prosecco and some tears and a lot of laughter! Thank you, Chris!

Beldar & Ma Conehead

The latest from the sinnergirls

All's well. C'Ho's newly shorn head is absolutely beautiful. I keep telling her she has a great dome, and she does. Plus, it brings out her stunningly big blue eyes. What a woman. Next up? The 'Ho has second chemo this Wednesday, which Mom-of-C'Ho and Diddy will head up, leaving the remaining sinnergirls to do what sinnergirls do best. And we'll leave THAT to your imagination.

Oh, and we're only weeks, perhaps only moments, away from a new baby. Cheers and encouragement to Tiffany and Harris as the happy event approaches!

Later!

Malibu

Tips & Tales from the Wiggin' Three

Here are some quotes we captured from Jennifer as she was working with C'Ho:

1) "Hi! My name is wig."

2)  "You have a large circumference and a small interior measurement." (i will not tolerate that kind of language in front of my siblings, wig'ho!)

3) "Your follicles are speaking."

4) "This wig is Linda."

5) "This wig is Linda."

6) "This wig is Linda."

WAIT. How is that possible? 

7) "This wig is Olivia."

That's better.

Insurance Claims: How to File for Wig Coverage (So to Speak)

CrackHo is rapidly discovering that part of this cancer adventure is learning how to partner with one's medical insurance provider. In the interest of public service, CrackHo and the other Sinnergirls have prepared two short training videos to help guide cancer patients through the arduous process of filing a claim for wig payment through their medical insurance carrier.


Video 1: For PPO's (rated PG-13 for violence and out-of-pocket thresholds)

Video 2: For HMO's (rated R for language and violence and hidden deductibles)

Down the early chia memory lane

Chia Video here.

Git Wiggy Wit' It

If CrackHo ever decided to have multiple personalities ---- and on some days it seems like a good idea ---- she would go see Miss Jennifer the Wig Queen. Watch the transformation from Elivra Mistress of the Dark to Cancer Patient to "Linda" (again)...

And don'cha just love all the euphemisms! My hair is not falling out by the roots in large disgusting handsfull...it is Releasing (undergoing Release) (sounds like a treatment you'd pay a fortune for at a day spa).

So is cancer not cancer but "Overachieving Cells"? You don't have various gastric dramas after chemo; you "Decline Food-Based Input." You don't go beserk on steroids; you "Get in Touch with Your Inner Felon." You don't lose your ability to string two thoughts together; you "Engage in Unstructured Communication." I could go on. And I might. If I could remember where I was going with all this...

BTW a Big Shout Out and Air Hug to Nurse Extraordinaire Ashley for stopping in for a quick DX yesterday and chat with the Sinnergirls in the wig-wam. We know you're out there!! Someday you too can have your very own username!!

ChChChCh CHIA Pet!

CrackHo always secretly wanted a Chia Pet but was too embarassed to ever put it on her Christmas List. (OK OK now I will get 2,743 Chia Pets this Christmas but that's OK...I'll donate them to Toys for Sinnergirls Tots).

Little did CH know that she herself would become the Mother of All Chia Pets:

Chia-'Ho

watch how it grows from day 1 to day 2 to day 3!!

No kidding: the Chia-'Ho on the far left is AM hairbrush 8/12; the middle one is AM hairbrush 8/13; the far right Chia-'Ho is AM hairbrush 8/14. Any wonder the Sinnergirls Wigged Out with Miss Jennifer 8/15?

TMI? Sorry. But look at the Tourists we got here at the CrackShack! Sinnergirls got the 2008 Audubon Award for the Best Double-Processed Nest Color in a Neutral Beige with Zero Warmth But No Ageing Ash-y Tones (The Chris C./Envy Salon Award in case you want to order this color for your Chia-'Ho)

Wigging Out

Sinnergirls arrived at the wigtique today not knowing quite what to expect. All in all, from Malibu's vantage point, it was poignant and fun at the same time. Let's be honest: it's hard to watch your sister yank her hair out...especially if it's not just because you made her mad. Again. But Jennifer, the wig master, did a fabulous job of finding what seems to be a wig of C'Ho's natural hair, with a different cut. Trust me. If you see C-Ho on the street, you'll think she just got a new cut. It's THAT natural. Oh yeah - wigs have names. Video #2 below is not Joni having a big attack of chemo brain and wondering who she really is. She's just trying to figure out the name of the wig. Really.

The first video is of Jennifer telling us a funny story about what happens when bad things happen to good wigs.

Wig-A-Palooza

It's a big day for the Sinnergirls, but for C'Ho in particular. We're beginning the search for supplemental hair, better known as W-I-Gs. (Not to be confused with M-I-Gs that are weapons of limited, but effective destruction...though if C-Ho gets the right kind of WIG and launches it at someone, it could become a MIG....heavens, I need more coffee).

Anyhoo! Check back tonight (that be Friday) for videos and ruminations on what promises to be a most intellesting day.

Toodles.
M-Barbie

CrackHo knows how to please her man!

A man of simple pleasures. What you don't see is the brew-ski and bag of Cheetos (deep fried).

Please welcome Ken to the Sinnergirls world. He was donated to CrackHo by the 'Ho's bud J.L. Thanks, gurl!

Below is the post-Spinal Tap video of whether or not Ken is anatomically correct. Could 'splain a lottttt of thanggggs in this world...!

And yes, that is still CrackHo's Own Hair. But for the first time in the 'Ho's life it seems she may do something Early: that is, lose her hair. Predicted for later (like late August, early September), the hair fallout seems to have begun. Stay tuned for adventures in wigging out. Like, hair.

Lazy Saturday Morning at BCB's dreamhouse...

Black Canary Barbie has been spending a lazy Saturday morning going through old photos of her children and watching a movie heavily recommended by my "soon to be" daughter in law Lauren Young. Much to my delight this movie fits perfectly into the sinnergirl reportoire of must watch senseless, funny movies (As a forwarning to those with snobby movie taste, the Sinnergirl list begins with Talladega Nights!) When in the need for laughter and snorting I highly recommend watching "Norbit". Raspushia Lattimore's view of the world and her large, womanly self is perfect! I want to hand off an enlightening quote to those of you out there who hesitate to do for yourself (even wholesome sinnergirls love mani-pedis). Ras says..." Even a delicate flower like me needs a litle watering now and then". Welcome to the club Raspushia Lattimore!

'Ho on the Road

Hey Y'all:

Greetings from the Windy City, where CrackHo is ensconsed this week with her peeps the fine ***unnamed newly titled professionals*** of the ***really fine organization which can't be associated with this blog for reasons that should be apparent to all***.

First, a fashion update from last weekend as Mother o'CrackHo put together a new look for the Crackster as I prepared for a Social Engagement. A new visual for ChemoHair. A big shout-out to Diddy for filming and not hitting the "erase" button.

CrackHo is staying at the Hyatt at Hamburger University (yes, the Golden Arches type burger), which is decorated with all manner of Golden Arches memorabilia. Between 4-hour naps, lo and behold, I discovered just outside the CrackHo room at Hamburger University, the following Tribute and Reminder that Ho-ness is not confined to any One Location. Apologies for not editing...but what the heck does McDonald's mean by "Ho Scale"?

Hey there Kens and Barbies...

Malibu so greatly shared our news that we are all still busy handling the day to day. Wanted you all to know that Joni is also having chemo on Monday via spinal fluid. Don't know all the details except the wonderful Doc Hen feels that to cover all the places the big, bad lymphoma may want to travel to he wants to do this "extree" chemo to zap any untraceable gunk that may be floating around. We all love his thoroughness!! I'll be in attendance to video/photo shoot any of those great C Ho moments she's becoming so well known for.
Our new granddaughter will probably make an early entrance around September 1st. Can't wait! Should know more after Tiffany goes to the doctor again tomorrow. Black Canary Barbie nonna thinks Labor Day Holiday is a great time to schedule labor. The oldest son of BCB, oldest nephew of Aunt Crack Ho checks blogg and must share his thoughts on this upcoming grand event in the comments column...you're up Harris!

We're still here.

For those of you wondering where we've been, well, we've been around. C-Ho is through with her first treatment, and won't have another until late-ish August. She's currently "on assignment" and not-as-available for posting at the moment; Black Canary is diligently serving clients who've been awaiting her special attention, while she multi-tasks by prepping for grandparenthood, and Malibu is a'working. We'll update more later! Check back soon.

She's freaky and I like it.

Crack-Ho: This one goes out to you, from your loving bro-in-law, Freebster Boings. He's rockin' to a song about you by Justin Timberlake, lyrics as follows:

She's got me love stoned
Man I swear she's bad and she knows
I think that she knows
She's freaky and she knows it
She's freaky, but I like it
She shuts the room down
The way she walks and causes a fuss
The baddest in town
She's flawless like some uncut ice
I hope she's goin' home with me tonight
And all she wants is to dance
That's why you'll find her on the floor
But you don't have a chance
Unless you move the way that she likes
That's why she's goin' home with me tonight

Enthused Infusion

Who can turn a trip to the "ladies' room" with a chemo infusion hookup into a new age music event? Crack-Ho can!

From the Piedmont Hospital Interventional Radiology Video Training Library: How to Use Your New Port

CrackHo here to give a big shout-out to Stella, Skanks, and DFFF for the props on the infusion post. By popular demand and just because you axed for it, here is the training film Black Canary and I made for Piedmont Interventional Radiology on "How to Use Your New Port."

You'll get to see all 3 takes we had to do to get the filming all synchronized and in a form usable for new patient instruction. After all, when one is sucking chard straight into the arteries, one rockets to a whole new level of "Cheap Date."

We try to ask only the most important questions...

Of the many questions we posited to Doc Hen a week or so ago were such pressing queries as:

• Can Crack Ho clean out the kitty litter box while infusing? (answer: yes, w/gloves)
  
• Can Crack Ho continue to cycle? (answer: yeah, baby cuz you look hot in those bike shorts)
  
• Is caffeine ok during treatment? (answer: in small quantities) What about wine? (answer: in small quantities and only if you can suck it up through your port...which we've since learned C-Ho is very talented at doing.)
  
• Can I continue to paddle on the river? (answer: yes. But by this time, Doc Hen was looking a little dazed)
  

Turns out we left out a critical question, but Crack Ho axed Hen today: Can I get my nails done?

Without even blinking, Hen said "Yes! And I like them blue shooz!"
He's a keeper!

Infusion Numero Uno

Done! Crack-Ho has completed Phase One of Infusion Numero Uno. Phase Two is tomorrow. Today was uneventful, as far as possible negative reactions go. A couple of hives broke out, but nothing Nurse Ashley couldn't take care of with an extree drip of Benadryl in that Infusion Cocktail. Thanks Ashley! Mother of Crack-Ho was present for the inaugural infusion, as well. Photo of C-Ho waiting to begin the drip to the right. See how relaxed she is? P.S. - great news all around today...we learned from Doc Hen that the cancer is confined to C-Ho's neck area which makes this nasty stuff super-duper-curable. Yeah, baby.

Visitation from St. Ann of Taylor

CrackHo here to share the vid of the first infusion today with Nurse Beth and the 2 Barbies Malibu and Black Canary. The Barbies were fondly recalling the visitation of a power-suited Barbie to the 'Ho while she ('Ho) was under the influence of narcotics Wednesday (again!).

CrackHo swore she had had a vision of a beautiful angel decked out in an Ann Taylor power suit. Or was it some avenging angel from the Ghost of Narcotics Past??? You decide!

We leave CrackHo before the effects of the Prednisone kick in on film. Stay tuned for glowing-green, muscle-bound CrackHo photos in future Preddie episodes...

Y'all comment, heah?

Im-Ported

CrackHo and Black Canary here. CrackHo sez I heard I was once again entertaining U.I.V. (under the influence of Versed) even tho I left my inflatable tongue at home today. Malibu Barbie swooshed into the radiation support unit, pulled out her camera, took a picture, and I (reportedly) responded with a physical reminder of one of my middle names (Bird). Peeps, CrackHo had on NO makeup and NO accessories and Malibu was taking potentially shocking photos of the 'Ho in such a bare state! I'm sure she'll be posting later....

Tonight Black Canary and CrackHo enjoyed Italian cocktails at the Builtmore. BCB will share more below, but I must first bemoan the fact that my first-born and much-adored nephew today called me CrackHo!!! Child, I don't care how old you are, I am still AUNT CrackHo to you!!

BCB here with an evening post after port installation. For those of you who have never seen a port, well, it's not much to see....but CH got what they called a Purple Power Port with accessories (id bracelet to let folks know she has such a magnificant port mechanism). I tried not to be envious of a new bracelet; it's rubber so it was fairly easy to let go of the envy! Crackie slept for three hours post port import then was "set free" to sleep several more hours on sofa at crack's shack. Black Canary Barbie lounged, put mirror under nostrils of C Ho to check breathing status and did what we will be doing a bunch of...waiting. Other than the side effects of good narcotics, 'Ho is bruised all around port installation, is a bit sore, but amazingly together and ready for her next big step in healing and recovery: a good glass of chardonay (just kidding)..the first and count down to last of all chemo (R-chop for those of you who didn't know what her chemo cocktail of choice will be for the big, bad B Lymphoma). First infusion session begins at 8 am Thursday morning and finishing up Friday morning at 9am. I'll try to post from the infusion suite. Thanks for all your prayers, calls, emails and love: keep em coming! BCB

Waiting....

It's 8:21 am on Wednesday, July 30...Joni is in surgery at Piedmont having her port inserted. Bad news..I forgot the video flip camera so only words can document the ride this morning. The good news is the port is purple!! So, now we have a new term to use in her cancer healing process...the purple power port! Surgery should be an hour long, small incision below right collar bone with a few interior stitches. We will head to her house probably by 11 am to rest and recover for the first "infusion session" at the suite at 8 am in the morning. Ready to get this show on the road! If you're reading this morning...lift Joni up in prayer! BCB

Sinnergirls add three to tribe....

As previously posted the "girls" all got together to celebrate the upcoming birth of Black Canary Barbie's new grandbaby girl at what the local tribes call a  Baby Shower!  Here is a photo of the newest editions to the "sinnergirl tribe"...on left is Lauren, Will's fiance (BCB's son) who will marry July 2009; on the right is Tiffany, Harris's wife (BCB's oldest son) and the baby in belly (to arrive around 1st of September).  We couldn't be happier than to know our girl tribe continues to grow.  We'll keep you posted on delivery, birth and wedding plans on our blog.  Black Canary Barbie says, "What a year!"

He Ain't Nuthin More Than BlogFodder: RIP Mr. Dazzle

CrackHo received the news from Mr. Dazzle on Saturday night that he wished to choose the “Release” option under CrackHo’s Catch & Release program (CrackHo runs this program to audition her eligibles). The Catch & Release program’s bylaws state clearly that CrackHo is the one who determines when the “Release” option is triggered, so she was understandably consternated that Mr. Dazzle made such a request.

CrackHo’s theory for this bizarre behavior is that Mr. Dazzle was frightened by the opera they attended this weekend (La Bohѐme). Perhaps Mr. Dazzle became concerned that he, like Rodolfo of said opera, might fall for a blue-eyed lovely who turns out to be ill and then, like Rodolfo, himself turn into a self-absorbed jerk and dump the lovely blue-eyes. Oh wait! Silly CrackHo! That is exactly the way life mimicked art. But we will stop the analogy there as the rest of the plot is Not Applicable.

Needless to say, Mr. Dazzle has been released into the wild where he will have to fend for himself. It’s really more humane that way.

RIP Mr. Dazzle. "Too fast on the river, too slow in love."

No longer Dazzling, he is merely

BlogFodder

"Già un’altra volta credetti morto il mio cor, ma di quegli occhi azzurri allo splendor esso ѐ risorto. Ora il tedio l’assale."
-Rodolfo, Act 3 La Bohѐme

Baby Shower: Part 4 of 4 / Thanks Aunt Crack-Ho!

What an adorable outfit Crack-Ho bought the new baby! 

Baby Shower: Part 3 of 4 / It's dried up.

If you watched Part 2 already, you'll get this one. Malibu's having a "hard" time figuring out this candy bar.

Baby Shower: Part 2 of 4 / You can taste it. You can smell it. Or you can just look at it.

Our soon-to-be-niece (or daughter-in-law, in Black Canary's case) hosted this little shindig with her Mom and did a fabulous job. Our favorite game was...well, you watch and figure it out. Thanks Lauren and Kathy!

Baby Shower: Part 1 of 4 / Where's Joni?

As noted in our intro (little column to the right), while we're getting Crack-Ho through this nasty cancer business, we're also eagerly awaiting the birth of Black Canary Barbie's first grandchild (which makes it Crack-Ho and Malibu's first great niece, Mother of C-Ho and Malibu's first great grandchild, etc etc - do you really want our entire family tree?). So today, we had a happy baby shower for little baby Georgia. This is the first of four posts today about the shower, and features our dear family friend, Koneta. Enjoy!

Before Surgery: Doctor, Doctor It Seems to Have Grown!

This is ancient history in the whirlwind world of Sinnergirls. But in the interest of Public Service, CrackHo wants to make sure that y'all get a glimpse of what her ailment REALLY looks like. It's a wonder CrackHo didn't scare Doc Juicy off that morning. Oh well, he calmed me right down with a little Versed and things proceeded along jes' fine. (When the vid opens, we're chatting about an unusual type of chapstick available at a certain Variety Store at Peachtree Battle).

Warning: Very Bad Language! How to Manage your Medical Team Part 1

CrackHo here. My ENT guy "Juicy", who does get a lot of credit for scaring the shit out of me day 1 and hustling me into the OR ASAP, stepped waaaaay out of line with some paternalistic dismissive crap in response to my very direct question: "What are my chances?" So, after 1 cup of coffee and 24 grams of protein, I rise up and honk back. BTW, I do not look like this all the time, just in the morning and then only on days when I have cancer.

The Cure for the Cure

Infusioning promises a lot of things, trade-offs required to get the prize: the cure. Looking down the short road of 18 weeks, possibly weak and hairless as a baby rat, a hottie on the inside disguised as a cancer patient, CrackHo decided that she may need a Cure for the Cure.

So, meet the Orange Crush: CrackHo's new Love Boat, and the thing to cure me from infusion fallout on the way to the big Cure. Big and fat, hard to flip and easy to move, the Crush has a cockpit so open that it barely qualifies as a closed yak. Easy for an infused CrackHo to just flop into and float and forget what nasty side effects infusion may bring.

My dear therapist and spiritual companion Dr. Robin reminds me that water is about clearing the throat chakra. And, it just feels so good to be out where the light and the water and the air meet in gentle collision. Good place for a Bird.

Introducing on this video my friend Jerry, my most esteemed Niger Rodentia and river floating companion. Jerry is my idol for his grace and brightness in his own journey, and for how he can make an afternoon on a river a cure for ailments you never knew you had. He is also a kick-butt cook.

Putt out for dough. Or how Sinnergirls got their name.

Back in June, Crack-Ho, Black Canary Barbie and Malibu Barbie heard that Delta was ready when we were. So we took off for San Diego, combining business and pleasure. While Malibu was doing the business part, C-Ho and BCB handled the pleasure part, which before your imagination takes off, you should know means that they shopped. Anyway, Malibu waited patiently for them to get back to the "bungalow". When they arrived, she began filming and "sinnergirls" just popped out. Appropriate, don't you think? Not only does this video show the first-ever "sinnergirls" use, if you watch till the end, you'll witness BCB's priceless one-liner.

They don't serve Sweet Tea in Itlee...

As I skip backward (there's a thought for a video clip) over the past couple of months I thought it only appropriate to share this photo I took of Joni in Florence.  Getting lost has never been so fun.  Oh, and  the infamous champagne, leather coat room is right around the corner.  C. Ho...hope you don't lose too much wait in the infusion room.  If you do it might call for another trip to Florence to get your "coat altered" if you know what I mean!! Sinnergirls ..as we have learned there is a surprise around every corner.  It may not include sweet tea or champagne but we can forever hold hands and skip!

Coming Unhooked at the Hospital

Well now time has moved on since we shot this little gem, but CrackHo being the vain packrat that she is, feels compelled to offer y'all this snippet of what happens after you give an ER overnighter her first cup of coffee...but you wait to do it till after you've injected her with radioactive isotope for brunch, for heavens sake.

Are you cold? (Warning: Highly Offensive & Funny)

Who knew that one could accessorize so well in such spartan accommodations? View this video quick before we start charging $9.95 for a download on the "ER Porn" channel.

Rated RRRRR!! Do not watch this video if you are at all offendable!

OK flashback in time to July 6, Piedmont Hospital ER. CrackHo just has to post this great series about the joke the visiting Episcopalians shared, which, when re-told by CrackHo scored a "138 over nuthin'". Better still is the anthropological adventure Dale & Jamie described in their review of the Sea Palms Inn at St. Simons Island. Kudos to our Cinematographer Rebo.

The Etch A Sketch Moments of Cancer

A tool that all Crack Ho cheerleaders must have is an etch a sketch! In my portfolio of etch a sketchs I have two sizes. One is large and most commonly found in children's toy boxes (because I am still somewhat a child I keep it at my office). The other is a new portable size that Malibu Barbie gifted me with at the post Doc Henderson infusion info party. I plan to carry it with me wherever I go. The said use for these is simple: whenever something happens in ones day (ie : bone marrow extrusion memories; Juicy Jarboe sharing cancer news; R-Chop discussions, etc.) that is not pleasant and that one does not want to retain for further study-just etch a sketch your brain of that memory and voila!! it's gone. As the days ahead unfold we may be having to use our large and small etch a sketchs...so, get on your mark,get set and etch a sketch!

Say Yes to No Radiation!

Almost forgot. We received the very good news that C-Ho is treatable with all chemo, no radiation. Sweet.

Missing in action.....

Black Canary Barbie here: Not getting any work done; bumping into things and feeling as if I only have air in that space where I am suppose to have a brain. Could this be the "straw man" effect from not attending the especially fun bone marrow extraction this morning? Just to clarify for those not in the Crack Ho Circle: Mama, Deddy and Julie (aka Malibu Barbie) were at Piedmont with jones while Doc Henderson extracted bone marrow and who knows what else from Joni's hip this morning to make sure there is no big, bad B Lymphoma floating around in the spinal fluid. (We do so love the thoroughness of the famous Dr. Henderson). So, once again we WAIT for another test result. One good lesson learned for BCB...work will not ease one's mind while sister is having any procedure. I'll go with my heart strings next time and just show up for the next big event next Wednesday when Joni has her port surgery. At least then I can flip and document my way through this horrible B Lymphoma anxiety.

Decompressing after first doctor visit.

This little clip shows us after our first visit with Doc Henderson (fondly described in post below). The three of us originally were slated to gear down at a nearby Starbucks, but Joni needed to "decompress" and thought a margarita from the next door Meh-hee-can restaurant would do the trick. What Crack Ho wants, Crack Ho gets. (P.S. - One exception: she didn't want cheese on that Tostaguac, but got it anyway.)

Infusion Treatments?! Are you serious?

We learned in our first visit to the darling Dr. Henderson yesterday, and with the very fun Ashley Stough, RN, that chemo treatments are no longer referred to as "chemo treatments". No, instead they are called "infusions". And you get your infusions in an Infusion Suite. How 'bout that?

They patiently walked us through each and every drug in the chemo cocktail. Oh, I mean in the infusion. When Doc Henderson said Crack Ho would be having an "R-Chop", I thought he was offering her a special deal from Longhorn. But no. It's the name of the infusion. This little discussion is likely to scare the cancer right out of a person, let me tell you. But when you are ready to get your sister well, they all sound like the best little drugs you ever heard of. What's a little nausea, fatigue, canker sore and aggression when it's all for a good cause, right?

And the best part? Chemo Brain. Their term, not ours. They told C-Ho that she would likely get a little forgetful, have a hard time finding words from time to time, etc. All three of us middle-aged girls looked at each other and said, "hey - that's a normal day"!

Tally ho! 

M. Barbie

Let's get it started uh huh...FLIP-ing out 7/6

OK , Crack Ho here. I surprised my family with a new way to bring us closer by inviting everyone to the ER the Sunday of July 4th weekend. There's no throwing up or blood on this post, but there is a little obscene language. It's approved viewing for parents, but only with adult child supervision.

A Brick House never crumbles...

As sisters we will continue our dance throughout this whole healing process...so beautifully demonstrated here at Black Canary Barbie's (on right; crack ho on left in the tan tabulous outfit) 50th birthday. The music may change a little and sometimes we may just have to dance around the crack ho when "she be too tired" to do her own dance...but nothing will ever put a stop to the magical dance of the sistahs!!! (Imagine the song Brick House and you'll get the idea)

Black Canary Barbie and Crack Ho Skipping in San Diego

The three of us went on a very memorable trip to San Diego in early June '08. This was taken just after eating the best-ever dinner.

The waiting begins

Even in waiting at Piedmont Hospital for whatever kind of news might be in the offing, we try to keep a sense of humor (and style). Pictured in the video, Black Canary Barbie & Rebo; heard in the background Mama & Diddy.